Hillary Clinton is a “freakishly unpopular front-runner”, perhaps because she can utter a declarative sentence without apologizing three times, even though she is female. Fortunately, she is running against Donald Deplorable, with cameo appearances by Gary’s Johnson (who is not sure what Aleppo is) and Dr. Feelbad (who won’t know what to do if they invent a vaccine against chemtrails).

Meanwhile, The Times may be giving up trying to triangulate between the candidate who says that 2+2 is approximately 4 and the one who says it’s 27, or maybe purple. Yesterday, they said in so many words, “Donald J. Trump officially retreated from the “birther” conspiracy theory he had clung to for years, while falsely accusing Hillary Clinton’s campaign of first raising doubts.”