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14 May 2014 @ 08:20 am
Rated ex  
Back in the day, it was assumed that people would not remain friends with their exes. nellorat's predecessor and I did, but we were part of that weird fandom culture, so presumably we didn't count. That approach may have had its advantages, given this case of a man invoking all sorts of newagey human relations stuff to stalk a former girlfriend. He is asking why she dropped him and probably demonstrating the answer.

Thanx to andrewducker
tx_cronopiotx_cronopio on May 14th, 2014 01:23 pm (UTC)
I'm at least civil with all my exes except for husband #2. He doesn't even know where I live now, and I like it that way.
Arthur and Kevin's Nellorat: ack!_bill-the-catnellorat on May 14th, 2014 04:06 pm (UTC)
I did get a lot of closure from e-mail exchanges with an ex- many years later, but it was an unusual situation.

The bottom line to me is that two people still cared about each others' feelings, they probably would still at least be friends. No friendship, no caring about feelings, almost by definition.
msrat1900 on May 15th, 2014 05:15 pm (UTC)
I dunno ... I care to some extent about everyone's feelings. But in the cases of my exes (only two of any significance), one of them pretty much agrees with me -- we aren't interested in being in touch -- and the other would like to be in touch, but I can't. Because however much I may care about his feelings, I have to care about my own more.
eub on May 15th, 2014 06:56 am (UTC)
Yeah, I would be 0% suprised if either 1) she did tell him a fair amount but he refused to accept "I really don't like you" as a valid reason, or 2) she was insightful enough not to, because it became clear early enough just what a nasty piece of work this dude is.

I mean, most people when they're telling their own side of their story can tee up their own softballs so they come off a lot better than this. Like hell you just accidentally happened to bring your date to the one restaurant in the city where this woman is working, because you totally weren't keeping tabs on her.
Carol Kennedycakmpls on May 15th, 2014 12:43 pm (UTC)
One of the things I like most about fandom, one reason it has remained my primary social group all these years, is that it is not considered at all odd to remain on good terms with exes.
John M. Burtjohn_m_burthotm on May 18th, 2014 09:15 am (UTC)
When my wife and I were courting in the mid-1980s, she noted various things she considered signs of my being a good match for her, including the fact that I was on good terms with all of my exes.

Looking at this article, though, I see all too clearly how I have in the past tried to force my way into the lives of exes and other friends, asking of them more than they wanted to give.