The sun is about to return; let us rejoice! Many years ago, some of those who celebrate the occasion falsely accused my ancestors of waging a War on Solstice when all we wanted to do was mind our own business. We kicked their ass, and we celebrate that victory as Hanukkah, but it's long past time for bygones to be bygones, so to those who celebrate Solstice, as well as to those who celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yule, Newtonmas, and any other holidays I left out, happy holidays.

Saying there's a war on Christmas because someone won't wish you a merry one is like saying there's a war on your dick because someone won't suck it